EVERYTHING YOU NEED RIGHT HERE!

I thought I signed onto a National Do Not Mail List. I've been getting solicitations for everything from penis enlargers to hot trading tips. The unsolicited catalogs are rife with the most superfluous junk, such as a flamingo clock where one leg swings in time to the ticking, gosh, and only $29.95.
Or how about a 5 inch ceramic jar labeled Cruise Fund. The teaser for this magnificent jar at $14.95 is: Its A Start.
You'd be better off buying 15 lottery tickets. We all know they get you nowhere but at least they aren't hanging around the house collecting dust. It stuns me at the lack of imagination on some of these "great gift ideas." Like this leather bracelet that proclaims It Is What It Is. Only the clasp and etched bar are steel. Such a bargain at 19.95.
Or this cutsie pooh, can't live without, Chi WOW a, 3 and 1/2 inches by 4 inches, with pink espadrilles, sunglasses, hoop earrings and bracelets. Made of resin for $17.95.


Enough is enough, so, I decided to look up the Do Not Mail National Registry. Imagine my surprise when my net search revealed any number of organizations designed to help stop the flow of junk mail, but you pay for the privilege. One company touts, Now Free. It claims that mail marketing companies don't want you on their list if they know you won't buy. It saves them paper and postage. Yeah, right! Why don't I believe that a stop the junk mail company called otteroticist isn't going to send me sexy junk mail. Many of them are flagrantly fake. My internet search showed several efforts to get bills passed to prevent email junk, but, under the Do Not Mail National Registry? It apparently doesn't exist. A do not call registry does exist. I must have pared down my junk mail by phoning and asking to be removed from particular mailings. Since then I've gotten a new credit card and bought a used RV, and wham! I'm on everyone's big time sucker list.
If anybody out there knows the secret code to find a national do not mail registry, if I've missed it, please let me know.