LEAVE WITH A LAUGH.

I have to turn myself over to the talents of a surgeon and will be absent from this blog for awhile. So, thought I’d leave you with a laugh.

CIGARETTE: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool at the other!
MARRIAGE: It’s an agreement wherein a man loses his bachelor’s degree & a woman gains her master’s
LECTURE: An art of transmitting Information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of students without passing through the minds of either
CONFERENCE: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present
COMPROMISE: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece
TEARS: The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine water-power!
CONFERENCE ROOM: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on
ECSTASY: A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before
CLASSIC: A book which people praise, but never read SMILE: A curve that can set a lot of things straight!
OFFICE: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life YAWN: The only time when some married men ever get to open their mouth
EXPERIENCE: The name men give to their Mistakes DIPLOMAT: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip
OPTIMIST: A person who while falling fromEIFFEL TOWER says in midway “SEE I AM NOT INJURED YET!”
MISER: A person who lives poor so that he can die RICH! FATHER: A banker provided by nature
BOSS: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early
POLITICIAN: One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence Later
DOCTOR: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by his bills!

JUST FIVE MINUTES

My neighbor, Jan,  is known for popping in for five minutes, always with some  ulterior m0tive.  She decided I was lacking “bling”. You can see the  bling on  my shoulder.
I had hired a homeless guy, looking for work,  to do some chores around the place. He told me he had worked as a roofer, had some carpentry skills, knew how to use a chain saw, etc.  I have a storage shed with warped doors and I asked him if he could fix them. He did and I gave him some paint to paint the shed. Unfortunately, he painted the doors shut. So, I asked my friends to help me get the doors open.    Jan is one of those people who likes to have  fun with anything she does, and she likes ceremonies. She grabbed a pot to beat on, and Karen, my housemate,  is half Cherokee and did a ceremonial dance.

While they did their work,  I used a hacksaw blade to cut through the thin coating between the two doors.

It wasn’t budging. My crowbar and nail puller both disappeared but I had a long,  strong mechanic’s screwdriver. It took some doing to pry the doors open without wrecking them.

That’s when we discovered he had nailed the doors shut. I guess he figured he wasn’t coming back anyway. Gotta take laughter where you find it.  And, what the hey, the guy needed the money.

LAUGHTER IS GOOD MEDICINE

Aaron Canvasser is one of Jim's, in his words, weirdest friends. Aaron and his wife Cheryl are ballroom dancers. They follow the ball room dancing circuit and enjoy the intricate, challenging part of the dance. Aaron goes nowhere without his dog, Shaka. Cute, endearing and friendly, like Aaron.

 Shaka made herself right at home in the motor home. Cheryl, however, had to work this season, and Aaron does  the dancing circuit without her. (That might be the reason he is weird, or different.)  She stayed home and Aaron has had to dance with partners whose husbands or partners are out of the competition.
I  planned to go find a place for a haircut. Aaron offered to cut my hair for me. Naw! I don't think so.  His wife Cheryl confirmed over the phone that Aaron cuts her hair for her and is good at it.  He  charmed me into it. He cut my hair and did a credible job. But, the haircut was secondary to the laughter we shared. Every passing walker and driver either smiled or cat called and asked when it was their turn. Jim insisted on a picture.

The hair fell, I brushed off, we laughed a lot. It wasn't the best haircut I ever had, but it was the most fun haircut I ever had. After all, I reasoned, the difference between a good haircut and a bad haircut is about a week.

Then, much to my surprise, Aaron asked me to cut HIS hair. I'm game. I cut my boys hair when they were kids. I warned him I hadn't cut hair in about 30 years.

 

He was game. So this time the guys passing by were cat calling and asking when the next appointment would be.

Aaron left less shaggy than when he arrived. I guess it was a credible job as well. If I ever come back to this life a second time, I might try barber as an occupation.

 Who would have thunk?

LAUGHTER IS HEALTHY

As some of you may know, I get a little goofy about signs I see along the way. Being on the road so much tends to make you notice things others just speed by, and we actually obey the speed limit. So, it came as a surprise to me to learn about Doug Lanksky's website,  http://www.signspotting.com.
He categorizes them into subjects such as: Accidentally R rated, Lost in Translation, Warnings and so on. Well meant, but funny as in BABY ON ROAD?  The sign was photographed in China. Probably Lost In Translation for Baby On Board. Or a church sign by Pastor John Needham. BEHOLD, I COME QUICKLY.  Or how about these intellectual cows from Laytonville, CA.  COWS! PLEASE KEEP GATE CLOSED. Well, it does validate my own obsession. Doug accepts sign photos from people around the world. I may send him some.

I took this photo on Marthas Vineyard. It was on a T-shirt. The guy wearing it told me he works for the company. I didn't ask him where the company was located.

 

 This shirt was in the bait and tackle shop window.

Humorous quips are always fun but since we aren't television watchers, we don't hear many. Readers Digest printed some funnies. I'll pass on this Jay Leno quip that I liked: "The United States has developed a weapon that destroys people but leaves buildings standing. It's called the stock market."  Too Apt.

And this just before Mother's Day from Barack Obama about his rather rough talking Chief of Staff: "This is a tough holiday for Rahm Emanuel. He's not used to saying the word day after mother."

And how about these fly-ins gleaned from the travel site skyscanner.net by Sam Baldwin:
Batman Airport (Turkey)
Useless Loop (Australia)
Moron Airport (Spain)
Eek Airport (Alaska)
Tsili Tsili Airport (Papua New Guinea)

They are all pretty understandable, but Batman Airport???  Hmmm!
I discovered a few other funny websites while looking around.   http://www.fark.com/ 
On this site, Drew Curtis picks out amusing, dumbass, stupid, etc. items from newspapers.

Another is Michael Bender's http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com

One of my favorites found in an antique shop in Revere, MA.
And this one:

I've forgotten the name of this very small town we passed through somewhere in New England. But, it you need coffee, and there is no other place in site, you are gonna stop.

NEIGHBORS LIKE MINE

My neighborhood has the best people. A friend from Sonora once plaintively told me, "I want to live in YOUR neighborhood." Another long time friend sold his lovely house within walking distance of the school where he taught and moved to another "friendlier" neighborhood. The quality of the neighbors can make the difference.

Ron Hayes is one of those kind of guys who will lend a hand whenever asked. I've asked him to drill holes in the bottoms of pots, clean my chimney and grade my driveway. He always offers help when he sees me struggle with anything.  One time I asked him to accompany me when I showed a rental quite late at night to a strange guy and I was feeling unsure about this guy. He never hesitates to say yes. He's a champ in my book. I offered to marry him, but, he reminded me he is already married.

Jan and Karen, are always there for me. Karen literally covers my place, my mail, my yard, my cat, when I'm on the road. I couldn't do it without her. Plus she is a good cook and is forever fixing me dinner when I'm rushed or offering to do errands for me when I'm busy.
Jan is an artist and neighborhood icon. She knows everyone, visits everyone, fields her grand kids through their problems and runs a book club, drum circle and other volunteer endeavors. We call her the "Heart of Gold."  Her hobby is panning for gold. She'll do anything within her power for you.  

Suzy Hayes is the same way. Generous, helpful. We discovered Suzy had recently celebrated her 60th birthday so we put candles on the cake and thanked our lucky stars for our entertainment. Suzy is 3/4 ers comedienne. She and Ron kept us in stitches all evening. If laughter is healing, we are all healed.

Yes, neighbors really can make a difference in the quality of your life.

LAUGHTER IS HEALING

I have to admire my friend, Bill Foster, an avid golfer, world traveler, former pilot and insurance expert faced with a deadly disease. He's had to give up all such pursuits. He is quite confined to his house at Greenhorn Creek and watches the golfers strolling by and kitbitzes their strokes. On cold days he works on making rugs that he gives to friends and family or places around the house. He opens his home to others for neighborhood social events and keeps in touch with family and friends. What I value about Bill's acceptance of his situation is that he retains his sense of humor. He never fails to make me laugh. He told me recently he had a couple of blind dates but they were deaf, too.
His prescription: laughter can keep you alive. Making rugs helps, too. Laughter travels.

BEFORE AND AFTER SURGERY (BORING)

I remember from years ago when the old folks would visit and discuss their illnesses, medications and operations. I'd shake my head in disgust and say, I'm never going to do that when I get old. BORING! Its kind of funny that when someone else has surgery, its pretty commonplace, right? Everyone has surgery, or so it seems. But when they are cutting on your own tender meat, that's different.
I had a massive, supposedly unrepairable rotator cuff with two detached tendons. That was one surgeon's diagnosis. A second from Dr. Kauffman of Sacramento Knee And Sports Medicine saw things differently and completely attached both tendons, sewed the cap and did it all orthoscopically. I'm totally impressed and doing grrrrrrreat, as Tony The Tiger would say. The staff was fun and competent and ON TIME. The surgery took less time than allotted. My anesthetic was two Celebrex and some numbing agent, two other little pills. I got home at 8:00 p.m. last night and I'm up and about today, much to my surprise. The top photo is in the prep room at the surgery center. The bottom photo is me in my Laz-E-Boy bed acting a bit goofy with an EKG of the brain. The most fun is when Jim comes in with a napkin over his arm and in pseudo french offers me a Celebrex on a plate. Laughter is healing and I'm done, finished with this subject.
Thanks for bearing with me.