The motorhome is parked at Mary’s home in Murphys, California.
I’m planning to depart November 30th. While here, I’ll do routine
maintenance, minor repairs and major cleaning of the Bronco and
motorhome.
Today’s subject: We’re Downsizing Our Relationship…
Downsizing is a popular word in today’s culture…in general meaning to
make smaller. After seeking a word to identify what’s occurring in our
relationship for the past several days, downsizing seems most
appropriate. Down shifting-gears was a close second. It’s happening in
our relationship and we wanted to share with you the what and why it’s
occurring. October 26
th (today) is an emotional day in our
relationship. It was on this date Mary and I first met in face-to-face
in 2008. Seven full years to the date we are making this announcement.
The initial contact was via the Internet on October 20
th.
At that time, my motorhome was 160 miles from Mary’s Home. After several
chats, we agreed to meet about half-way for brunch in Tracy,
California. Our brunch lasted five hours and the attraction was
immediate on both of our parts. It ended with Mary extending me an
invitation to drive the motorhome so that we might “get better
acquainted”.
Here’s the first photo I took of Mary while at her home…

Mary was anxious and ready to head out and see the United States with
me. Three weeks after arriving, we headed out on to the road…much to
the horror of her children. But, that’s another story…which fortunately
has turned out well. Our agreement about our relationship at that time
was: I WOULD TRAVEL AND SHE WOULD JOIN ME WHENEVER HER TIME ALLOWED, and
it remains the same today. For nearly seven years she flew to meet me
wherever I was to travel with me…more or less…two months on and two
months off…and we had a wonderful time!
The only change that has occurred is that Mary has run out of time to travel with me on the road. September 26, 2014…a full 13 months ago, was the last night she has spent the night in the motorhome with me.
I departed her home in early December, 2014, alone. After my
departure, we spoke on the telephone every day…sometimes several times a
day. After spending the winter in the desert southwest hiding from the
cold, I returned to her home in April, 2015 for a couple of weeks visit.
It was during this time she said to me…we need to talk…not a good sign!
She did her best to describe that she has a very complicated and full
life attending to her two homes, two rental properties, family and
friends. Things were being neglected and she could not travel with me
for the foreseeable future. She asked to be relieved of her financial
obligations (sharing expenses) of our relationship and I agreed. Neither
of us then knew quite what to do about our relationship, we loved and
cared about each other, but the changed circumstances left us confused
as to what happens next.
For many years I’ve known that THE ONLY CONSTANT IN LIFE…IS CHANGE. I
was not the first person to invent that concept. It is generally
attributed to Heraclitus…
https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Heraclitus
So, as I headed out to the Pacific Northwest to escape the California
summer heat, I told her…I ONLY KNOW HOW TO LIVE ONE DAY AT A TIME…LET’S
CONTINUE TO TALK DAILY AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS. We did…and now I’m back at
her home once again.
I arrived on October 15
th, ten very emotional days ago.
During that times there has been many hugs and some tears, but it has
become clear to us what must happen next. Compared to my essentially
stress-free life, Mary’s is full of stress…her obligations make it so.
I’ve been in her position, but escaped 20 years ago when I managed to
relieve myself of home ownership/working and the accompanying stresses
that come with that lifestyle. December 23 of this year, I begin my 21
st
year of the full-timing RV lifestyle which I love and enjoy. Mary has
told me that she hopes she might be able to travel with me once again
for a week or two, once or twice a year…in a couple of years. I know
that whenever we estimate how long it will take to accomplish
something…it generally takes somewhat longer. Looking at Mary’s
situation…I’m seeing five years before she’s available once again. It
hasn’t been easy, but we’ve come to the following conclusions AND
AGREEMENT…
- Most of Mary’s responsibilities require her attention, actions and
decisions. Little that I could be of any assistance. So, I will continue
to travel.
- Mary sincerely desires to downsize her life, but the problem is for
many years she has been a collect-aholic and has accumulated many
things. She had a really full life when I met her and that full life has
continued to stack up while she traveled with me. Her downsizing will
be a slow and painful process, but she’s intent on accomplishing it.
- We will continue to talk daily on the telephone…continuing to live ONE DAY AT A TIME.
- I’m still welcome to stop and visit whenever I find myself in her
area. She is welcome to visit me anytime she my find a small hole of
time in her full life.
- Because of the extended time frame potentially involved, last
Wednesday we moved all of her possessions from the motorhome, so that I
could “spread out” and be a lot more comfortable in my home. A lot of
tears that day!
- During the last 13 months, I have experienced an emotion that I have
not felt in MANY years, a touch of loneliness. After having such a
loving companion for nearly seven years (3,895 blog postings), it cannot
help but to be missed. Mary has indicated to me that should I manage to
find another travel companion…she would be okay with that. Mary really
does not have time for a man-friend in her life.
- On The Road With Jim And Mary is meant to be a travel blog. Should I
meet a new travel companion, I would start a new blog. I’ve asked Mary
to restrict her future postings to the travel topic. For instance her
two-week to trip to India next February with her grandson would be most
welcome. For those of you that enjoy the variety of Mary’s
postings, you can follow her on her personal blog…Mary’s Ramblin’s.
Here’s the link… http://marysramblins.blogspot.com/
A couple of days ago Mary said to me… YOU ARE MY BEST FRIEND IN THE WHOLE WORLD AND I LOVE YOU! I REPLIED…DITTO!
With those feelings between two people…we have every reason to
believe that we will continue to be close and loving friends for the
rest of our lives ONE DAY AT A TIME AND WE WANTED YOU TO KNOW!
IN TRUTH, it’s not all that much different from the
way it has been between us these last 13 months. I said to Mary…it’s
like driving the Bronco..we shift from overdrive to drive and continue
rolling on through life.
Earlier on I indicated that we have shared much fun and laughter
together. SO, I’ve decided I’m going to share my Mary photo web album
with you so you can see all the fun we have had. Most of the photos show
the many moods of Mary, with a few scattered of myself.
Here are a few from that album…
Oak Bluffs, Martha’s Vineyard, Massachusetts…
Salem, Massachusetts…
New London, Connecticut…
Elkhart, Indiana…
Murphys, California…
Here’s one of my favorites…Mary becoming a creative photographer…
Monroe, Washington…
To see the other 525 photos in this album…
CLICK ON THE BELOW PHOTO. ONCE YOU ARRIVE AT THE PHOTO ALBUM, SIMPLY CLICK “SLIDESHOW” AND ENJOY!
Note: to reduce the viewing time, I suggest you lower the default 3
seconds to 1 second. That way total viewing time will be about 9 minutes
and you’ll still get the flavor of the many moods of Mary…or simply
choose random photos for viewing. The photos in the album are not in
chronological order…