NEWS IS C.A.C.A.

This week, I'm shopping for a new heating system for my 35-year-old rental. No easy task, I'm finding.  I have a doctor's appointment this morning, therapy yesterday morning, then I do special exercises when I'm at home. I've been so busy I hardly have time to read the news.  Probably doesn't matter anyway, I could write the news myself. Check out these headlines:

CLIMATE DENIERS UNITE TO STOP SCIENTISTS SPIN.
TRUTH IS BULLSHIT.
FIFTY-SEVEN  FRAUDULENT  VOTERS FOUND FOR EVERY NINETEEN  MILLION VOTES CAST, RESEARCHERS FIND. LAWMAKERS ARE ADDRESSING THE ISSUE.
THE NATIONAL ASSOCIATION FOR THE ADVANCEMENT OF RICH PEOPLE MEETS TODAY.
PHYSICIANS FOR NO RESPONSIBILITY HAVE  BEEN INUNDATED WITH NEW MEMBERS AND ARE CHARTERING NEW CHAPTERS.
CONGRESSMEN AGAINST CIVIL LIBERTIES AND UNIONS MET TODAY.  NO WOMEN WERE ALLOWED IN THE MEETING.
THE FEDERAL BUREAU OF INTIMIDATION HAS A NEW CHIEF WITH AN ARREST RECORD FOR SEX CRIMES AND ABUSING HIS WIFE. HOWEVER,  HE HAS NEVER BEEN INDICTED. "I'M SIMPLY JOINING THE CROWD," HE SAID.
THE CONGRESSIONAL CORPORATE ECONOMIC TAKEOVER AGENDA PROGRAM JUDGED A SMASHING SUCCESS.
POLICE OFFICERS FOR A POLICE STATE REQUEST BETTER GUNS AND EXTENDED POWERS.
THE NEW WHITE BROTHERHOOD LEAGUE HAS CHOSEN HAS CHOSEN A SWASTIKA FOR THEIR LETTERHEAD.
CRYOGENIC BELIEVERS FOR RESURRECTION ARE PROMOTING THE  RE-ELECTION OF REAGAN FOR PRESIDENT.
CALIFORNIA INSTITUTES THE VOTER MOTOR PHOTO LAW.
LADIES AGAINST WOMEN MEETS TODAY.
DEMOCRATS FOR CONVENTIONAL AND INNOVATIVE WAR.
THE NATIONAL ASSOCIATION OF GRENADE CARRIERS MET WITH THE NRA LEADERS TODAY.
BOY SCOUTS FOR ORGANIC PEOPLE.
LOBBYISTS FOR CANDIDATE REFORM.
THE PRISONERS UNION ASKS FOR CRUISE SHIPS OVER INCARCERATION AFTER STUDIES REVEAL  IT'S CHEAPER FOR THE TAXPAYERS.
KOCH BROTHERS NEW  BOOK ENTITLED "HOW TO BUY AN ELECTION"  WENT ON SALE TODAY IN ONE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY COUNTRIES.
MILLIONAIRE MOTHERS  FOR ILLEGAL NANNIES  HAVE TAKEN A STANCE AGAINST FREE DAYCARE.  THEIR PROPOSITION  TO  FASTRAC  CITIZENSHIP FOR NANNIES IS GAINING MOMENTUM.
DARK MONEY FOR OBAMA, LIGHT MONEY FOR ROMNEY.
DNA TEST REQUIRED TO VOTE BILL APPROVED. THIS WILL KEEP LOW CLASS PEOPLE AWAY FROM THE POLLS, CLAIMED ONE PUNDIT.
LAWMAKERS FOR LOOPHOLES DEFEND THE POPULAR PRACTICE.
THEY ARE ALSO WORKING FOR LIFELONG  TERM LIMITS.
LAWYERS CLAIM ALL LIES CAN BE DEFENDED AS TRUTH. THERE ARE NO LIES.
LEGALIZE RECKLESS GAMBLING.
DEATH OR TAXES.
VOTE///FOR ANYBODY BUT OBAMA
REPUBLICANS FOR THE GOOD OLD DAYS MEET WITH FRIENDS OF THE FOETUS.
MILITARY SPENDING ADVOCATES MEET WITH THE WORLD DOMINATION COMMITTEE.
DEMOCRATS FOR EVERYTHING.
DRAFT THE POOR.
SUPER PACS R US.
THE MORAL MONOPOLY SUGGEST WOMEN SEEK PERMISSION FROM THEIR CONGRESSMAN BEFORE VISITING THEIR DOCTORS.
KILL WHISTLE BLOWERS.
A NEW COMMITTEE AGAINST COMIC AGITATION HAS BEEN FORMED. IT'S ACRONYM IS C.A.C.A.